Are you feeling stressed or irritated? Are you about to scream out loud or pull your hair out? Then try this little mindfulness trick to re-centre and re-balance.
Whenever you feel like you can't settle down to get anything done, whenever you feel bothered and irritated but can't quite put your finger on why, whenever you can't shake that horrible mood you're in, just stop and ask yourself exactly what is bothering you.
Maybe you're anticipating something bad happening, maybe you think an argument with a work associate is on the horizon, maybe you're worried about something more than you care to admit, or maybe you're just very tired!
The first step to mental peace is to stand still for a moment and try to understand what the issue is. You need a moment of clarity, because the more you try to suppress your feelings the worse you are likely to feel.
Now get a pen and a piece of paper. Make a note of everything that's on your mind.
You'll be surprised that by simply stopping still for a moment and “awarenessing”, just how many related feelings and emotions come to surface that you weren't aware were infecting your space.
The reason for this is that thoughts have a tendency to rapidly spiral out of control, so much so that the original reason for thinking a certain way pales into existence as it is replaced by a galaxy of distantly related thoughts.
This isn't a bad thing when these thoughts are happy and our imagination is taking us on a wonderful journey through the valleys of possibility. But when these thoughts are negative or too challenging for us to deal with at the time, it causes us mental suffering – and often a headache!
During this exercise you'll be amazed at how quickly your mind centres and reorganises itself; thought spirals will stop and be replaced by categories pertaining to subject matters – thus making it far easier for you identify what it really is that's bothering you and how you might approach solving the issues at hand.
The key here is not to be scared of honesty. Don't second guess yourself, simply allow yourself to offload how you feel onto paper. You are literally emptying your head.
For example, you might write down a list like this:
- I am worried about my mother's operation next week.
- I have so much to get done yet everyone expects too much from me.
- I am not happy about these recent changes at work.
- I am tired, I feel out of shape and a bit sorry for myself.
Now work through the list you have written down and see if you can tick these mind-irritants off your list and clear some space in your head.
Ask yourself questions similar to those below to create solutions to the things causing you stress:
Could you…
- Make a quick phone call to someone close and tell them you really care?
- Arrange a meeting with your boss or friend to say what's on your mind?
- Apologize to the person you just snapped at?
- Make a firm decision to go to bed early tonight and make that spin class at the gym tomorrow?
- Be kind to yourself and take a 10-minute walk to clear your head.
This mindfulness exercise is simply about stopping everything you're doing and addressing those feelings of stress, irritation and worry. It's about shaking off that annoying, niggling feeling that just won't let you feel comfortable in what you're doing.
It's about truly noticing what's wrong and taking positive action to deal with it, right now.
And if there's nothing you can do about the things you've written down, just rest in the new-found awareness that circumstances are as they are in this moment, and know that things do have a funny way of working themselves out for the best.
I call this a trick because it really is a magic cure for taming the moody mind that just won't let you get on with being productive and happy. Done often enough, this is great training for teaching yourself to be fully present with what's happening right now.
Through the sheer power of awareness, we come to accept life as it is in the present, not for what we think we would like it to be like in the next moment, and the moment after that, and the….you get where I'm going with this.
Once your list is complete and you've been through each item one-by-one to see if there's any possibility of being able to make an immediate positive change, take a big, deep breath, smile, shrug your shoulders a few times to shake it all loose and go about your day feeling lighter and rejuvenated.
nomthandazo miya says
Hi my name is nomthandazo miya from soweto everyday i feel irritated at work ifeel like im stressed sometimes i even cry
M says
Nomthandazo,
Try the exercise given in the post. Write down what all is stressing you. Be honest.. really honest…with yourself: is it work? Is it home? Finances? A personal relationship? Is it health? Is it expectations of how you should be–your own or of people around you? Is it something in the past that you cannot forget? Fear of the future?
I have found that, with me, it has been a combination of all. Sometimes, one is a bigger stressor than the other, depending on the situation, or circumstances in life.
Write it all down and read through it without judgement. Remember that, without judgement. Maybe you’ll find that there are some things on which you can take action…like look for a better job or take steps to improve your health. Maybe some things are not so bad after all…like you may not be rich, but you’re still able to manage the basics of life easily. Maybe some things may just need a change of perspective…like someone appears to be doing better than you, perhaps, but they have their life journey…you have yours…envy will only hurt you, not them.
Like the post says, things have a way of working themselves out. If something is causing pain, but you cannot change it, calm yourself and accept it… when it is time, you will find a solution. You are not your emotions. Your emotions will come and go like schools of fish swimming in the ocean…but you are the ocean.
This writing exercise is like mindfulness. Another way to practice mindfulness is to just observe your breath. There are many other ways. Find one that works for you…it really helps. Above all, don’t lose hope. Life is full of ups and downs…that’s how it is.
Charlene says
Hello my name Charlene and I do have this issue. I just snapped off on my son’s daddy just now and he did do nothing to me. I just get in these little mood swings sometimes. Then after that my mind goes worrying about my past, how I been abused in all my friendships. I lost twins and my sister and Dad died, year after year, so I never can find somebody to love me. I did have low self esteem. I used to think I was always ugly. And my mother told me all I am good to do is lay on my back. And the things my baby’s daddy says hurt me too.
Manna says
It’s gonna be okay Charlene, things will get better. If they don’t, it’s good to ask for help,maybe from friends,or relatives whom you trust and don’t hurt you in any way. And,about your low self-esteem, I had the same issue. You know how I got over it? Right after waking up and praying(prayer is important),just repeat 10 times “I am amazing!” or “I am wonderful!”,etc(you get the idea). I’m sorry for all the losses you had to face. Just remember that everyone at some point has to undergo losses,pain and suffering. You aren’t alone. Don’t think about the past, it’s behind you. Look forward, towards the present. Best of luck in everything and I hope I could help you!
Much love,
MJCE.
Sam says
Awesome, exactly what I needed!
ramona says
Hi. My name is Ramona.
My ten year old daughter has got this tendency to swear at everybody, even physically abuse me and her sister, I have tried counselling and getting the school involved for help but nothing is helping. I don’t know which way to go or what to do.
I need to find a way to speak to my two sisters on how to speak to my youngest daughter, as they speak grown up things with my daughter and she now thinks she doen’t have to respect people overall.
I’m living here at my moms house and I can’t wait to move out, it’s more stressfull being here.
I have a boyfriend who once used to text or speak to me at every chance he gets. but now I feel like I’m just an after thought like “oh yes let me text her quick” and never makes time for us and always comes up with excuses. And when I do see him he will always have his friends with him and always be drinking, I don’t drink. It was okay before but now he drinks a lot, we don’t live together.
He always used to make time for us and always used to go out of his way to see me but now he comes up with more excuses. Whenever I talk to him about the big change in behaviour he always tells me I’m paranoid, it’s just because he busy and now I can’t just text him first he will text me.
I’m having some financial challenges and trust to overcome it soon.
I miss my baby that passed away and I have no one to speak to about it as nobody understands.
Happy, grateful and Thankful for.my life and I’m always putting.other people needs first.
The minute I tell people I didn’t like something they did, they always make me out to be the bad person.
Kayla says
i’m only a 13 year old so i probably don’t know anything but i get extremely MAD OR IRRITABLE and sometimes i feel like a ball of RAGE have you tried when after she’s done feeling that way to try and write her a little note and leave it by her door to see how she’s feeling, she might be embarrassed about the way she was acting later so just try and see if that works or you can put her in boxing or martial arts to take her anger out on maybe even get her something she can punch it might only help a little bit but at least it will help.